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Bible Study: Fever Pt.3, San (Part 2)

[Note: This series originally started as a project on Reddit. You can find an explanation of what Bible Study is all about here.]

Welcome back to Sunday bible study! We hope the recent High Halazia holiday left you feeling refreshed and ready to take on a new year.

Today, we will be doing our sacred writing practice as we attempt to get closer to the meaning of life through San's page. In this practice, we chose a random line from the text and journal about it for ten minutes. I can't say that we landed any where good today in our thoughts, but, at least we did the thing, and sometimes that's the most important part. So grab a journal and join us!

04: sacred practice

GD: The last Hongjoong was a reading practice, so it should be a writing practice today

Bobby: Yes

GD: I'll get us a random line

Line 7, which is:

"I picked some of the memories that were not yet burnt from the floor."

Bobby: Timely

[Ten minutes later. . .]

GD: Well. I wrote something

Bobby: I spent a lot of time staring into space. I reached no conclusions

GD: Same, actually. I found it hard to get started. I felt I'd already really explored my thoughts on memories earlier. But I guess I'll share mine first

Bobby: Maybe we should institute a reroll rule


GD’s Sacred Writing Practice

I’ve been thinking a lot about memories, which I already talked about. But the word that stuck out to me in this sentence was actually floor. That the memories are already discarded before they are burnt, but they are notably not at the dump. All of the memories in this room have already been removed, and they’re waiting to be turned into something else. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the sentence, but the android guardians are getting drunk on other people’s memories–like you can remove memories all you want, but your body craves them back. 

Of course, they’re androids so I always get tripped up about that because, you know, how do androids get drunk? Do the memories affect the android guardians differently? Are the android guardians actually androids or is android like a positive compliment? Their memories are so completely removed and they are so pure that they’re like androids. You have to be pure to be an android guardian. So they’re not really androids at all. Just people who have been made into like androids. 

Anyways. I guess I’m interested in why these memories were left here on the floor. Has Z just gone through and removed all happy memories from people? People don’t give up their happy memories easily, I think. So I guess I’m wondering if all of these happy memories were removed because they ultimately have heartache attached to them. It just seems weird that all of these memories are happy memories because what would be the impetus to removing them? Unless Z really has gone through and just removed all happy and sad memories from all citizens. 

I’m thinking about Left Eye too. 

BobbyJ has at points suggested that there could be a trading market for happy memories, which I don’t dislike.


Bobby: Okay. He would have had to remove any memory that is attached to particularly happy or sad emotions. So not EVERY memory

Obviously they need their memories of how to function in the society 

Also, I've never thought about this before, but this is a finite energy resource

If the emotional memories are the things they're burning to create energy to trade and they've created a world where new memories cannot be made, then once they're through with these memories, then what?

GD: I think what I'm wondering about is whether the people were like "yeah, take all of the emotions" or if people, when sad, were like "take all of my memories that are causing this sadness"

It is happy memories that cause a lot of pain and suffering

Bobby: Yes. Not being able to create more happy memories because you've lost someone

GD: Right. And I think we've talked before about how Z's rise to power could've been more slow than it ultimately seems when we're reading about it. If it starts with just, 'take away the thing that has made me sad', I think it could end up like this

Bobby: Yes, messing around with your memories is a slippery slope

I know that in reality they have been testing this new therapy where certain memories can be repressed. So they've been using it with trauma patients to help them recover mentally. But it's obviously controversial

GD: Mmm yeah, it feels a little scary. Intuitively

Bobby: For the congregation, you can listen to Radiolab's Memory and Forgetting episode for more details. It's very interesting

GD: I am not sure I have much else to say about mine except that it has me thinking once again that Z's rise to power, and how they got access to these memories, may be different than what I had originally thought.

Bobby: I'm having a little baby thought about AI and its effect on the people, how it may have primed them for Z's takeover

I'm thinking about how soulless AI art is. And the whole conversation surrounding it. Something about stripping away a thing that made life worth living

Okay, here's mine:


Bobby's Sacred Writing Practice

Okay. My first thought is that I have some memories I’d really like to burn. The one magical device that I would steal from Harry Potter if I could is the Pensieve. How I wish I could remove some memories from my brain. However, it’s all the memories that make us who we are, not just the happy ones. 

My cat has decided to sit directly in front of my screen and I can’t see what I’m typing. However, I think there’s a misunderstanding about what memories are. Even I struggle to really grasp how influential they are in our lives. (Okay, she left.)

Like, how much of my personality is shaped by what I’ve been through? By my memories of things that I have enjoyed? Someone without memories can’t really have a personality, can they? 

I’m thinking about that Adam Sandler Drew Barrymore movie where she’s unable to form any new memories. Even though she has all of her long term memories to define who she is, she is unable to grow now. She is forever stuck as the same person–even though her life changes and she ends up with the video she watches every morning to re-explain all the days she’s lived and forgotten–she can never add on to her base personality. Not base personality, she had grown and developed prior to the accident. But like, she can’t develop any further.


GD: I feel like my brain is getting very melty

I think that's the part that is very ???? I dunno ??? with the memories and what they're doing with these memories

Because, as you say, it's not that they can't have any memories. They have to have the memories of how to live in the society. And they have to have memories of their 40 years of schooling, which is not an insignificant amount of memories.

But, let's say they're with someone and it feels nice. They feel happy. Does Z swoop in and take that away? Or is there something that blocks them from even feeling that emotion? We know they have that blocker thing

Bobby: I was just thinking about Thunder

How fear must still exist

Also have you read the new diary?

Because part of my thought stems from what we learn from William

GD: I'm a terrible atiny and clown. I haven't

Bobby: Well, I will hold my thought then

It's a pretty big spoiler

But Thunder as we know them in Outlaw are a disciplinary committee. And how do you maintain discipline without fear of punishment?

And how can you be afraid without emotions? Without the memories of past punishments?

Maybe I need to reread Outlaw, with my William knowledge

GD: Right. So that brings me to my thing about the android guardians

Bobby: Honestly the android guardians are a thorn in my side

GD: The disease is human emotions--that's the whole thing

Bobby: I don't know what to do with them

GD: But that doesn't mean they have gotten rid of them. But perhaps the android guardians are the perfect humans who have been fully rid of their emotions

Bobby: Okay, I will give a tiny spoiler. Because it's something we've suspected. But William does imply that some Guardians at least, those who are the elite, are actually human

GD: That makes me feel better. They're like storm troopers

Bobby: I need to reread it more thoroughly but it seemed to me that some are actual androids and some are human and that they are called something different

GD: Would San know the difference?

Bobby: Unlikely

GD: This is the first time i've felt less settled and more confused after a sacred practice

Bobby: Really? I feel like this all the time

GD: I usually feel like I've come to somewhere--today I feel like I don't even know what somewhere looks like

Bobby: We're out of practice

GD: That's true. And I do need to read Will

Bobby: You really do


05: connections and takeaways (previously mental murder board)

GD: Should we come up with some takeaways and connections?

Bobby: We can try

GD: God I love Jongho

Bobby: I want to come back to San and talk about what a great great human he is


Both irl and in lore

GD: San is really great

I like that his entries always give us that introspection even when some of the others have to focus on world building

Bobby: I have a note on his first entry that I wanted to track his emotional insight

I don't know that I really see that here, but he continues to be the member who pays attention to their surroundings and notices things

GD: He shows a lot of empathy in this scene, if not emotional insight

Like I don't know that he would know why he was upset if you asked him, but his response is pretty empathetic

Bobby: I think the two go hand in hand maybe

GD: My only other takeaway is about memories, but we've discussed that A Lot

Bobby: I still don't know where exactly I've landed on memories

I know that I was a while back working on a post about memories. I think when I was struggling to write something about The Giver

Like I was doing research and everything

Maybe this should be my beefy research based post for my iPad Quest


06: closing

Bobby: Shall we wrap up then?

GD: Yes

It is time for the closing hymn

And have we already done Eternal Sunshine?

Bobby:I think so

It was one of the first hymns we ever picked

GD: Back when we were doing two a post, presumably

Bobby: Like maniacs, yes

GD: What about Everything? Or Youth?

Perhaps we should save those for the appropriate boys

Bobby: Hold on

I know I'm always going off script, but how do you feel about Regret by Eden and Shin Zisu

GD: I feel it is lovely

As I always do about Eden songs

Bobby: San doesn't really give us much to work with emotionally, so I'm thinking more from the perspective of people who gave up their memories

If we're settled on that, then a prayer for San?

GD: My prayer for San is that he realizes he has the thing he's been looking for.. if that makes sense

I don't know where all of my words went

Bobby: Yes and that he finds the strength to keep it

Patron saints then

Which we've already picked

I have chosen Yunho because I just wanted to have a nice week

So far so good

GD: I chose Eden because I wanted to be powerful and in control and Get Shit Done

and it's mostly going well

I have gotten more shit done than usual, but I also have more shit than usual to do

Bobby: Tis the season

GD: Well I'm glad we were able to get a bible study in despite the busy season

Bobby: We should be proud

And maybe a little relieved

GD: Yes to both lol

8 makes

Bobby: 1 team

GD: Be the light

Bobby: Halazia

GD: Nailed it


Thank you for joining us on the day after High Halazia! We hope you find strength through your memories of the year prior and start the year strong. Let us know what you thought of San's page!

See you next week!



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